Life is like that..

Languages used in Carnatic Music & Literature
Post Reply
venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#1 Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 18 Oct 2013, 19:18

E-MAIL FROM AN ARAB STUDENT TO HIS SHAIKH DAD

Dear Dad
Sydney is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser

Next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail
My dear loving son Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.

Love, your Dad
Shaikh Al Habibi
0 x

Rsachi
Posts: 5039
Joined: 31 Aug 2009, 13:54
Location: Bangalore
x 2
x 30

#2 Re: Life is like that..

Post by Rsachi » 18 Oct 2013, 23:18

Wow. Where do you find such gems!!!?
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#3 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 19 Oct 2013, 08:15

RSachi..It is only you have taught me...

here is one...

PLEASE NEVER WATCH TV WITH YOUR WIFE.........HAPPENING IN ALL HOUSES !

A couple were watching an IPL match on the TV together.
After five minutes:

Wife: Is that Bret Lee?
Husband: No. He's Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.
Wife: Brett Lee is smart-looking. He should be in the movies like
his brother.
Husband: He doesn't have an actor brother.
Wife: What about Bruce Lee?
Husband: No no, Brett Lee is an Australian.
Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No, it's called action replay.
Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's not India. It's Bangalore vs Kolkatta.
Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter?
Husband: He's not calling for a helicopter. It's a free hit.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a free hit?

Wife: Now whom is he saying 'HI' to?
Husband: He's signalling a 'bye'.
Wife: Why is he saying bye? Is the game over?
Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls.
Wife: Ah. That's easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Frustrated husband turns off the TV.
Wife turns it on again and watches 'Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chasma'.
Husband: Who is this Tarak Mehta and who is the fat person standing beside him ?
Wife: Don't you dare disturb me now.....


How about your story...
0 x

Rsachi
Posts: 5039
Joined: 31 Aug 2009, 13:54
Location: Bangalore
x 2
x 30

#4 Re: Life is like that..

Post by Rsachi » 19 Oct 2013, 16:48

Brilliant, VKLSM!

My own story:

I am surrounded by charming female relatives who all have one common problem. From scene to scene, they can't remember who's who. So if two men have bushy brows and facial hair, they look the same to them, if two women wear make-up at worst they must be twins.

Then there is this soap opera I just cannot watch- based on mythology, where Parvathi, wearing Chinese georgette saree and Gitanjali jewellery asks Shiva (who is whiling away time until called up to do some stunt villain role in a Chopra movie) if she can take a spin around Kailas (thermocole and paper mâché ) and in a jiffy appears Nandi who's a cross between a goat and a donkey in appearance acting like a dutiful stretch-limo and chauffeur combined.

Talking of cricket matches, my people have such TOTAL disconnect that they can't care if India or Royal Challengers or anyone for that matter has just four balls to score nine runs and win a crucial match. You see, they have to flick the channel switch quickly not to miss the action in Kailas.

For qualities like nobility, meanness and chicanery, our role models are no longer culled from real flesh and blood people or even classics and epics. The most real people in our life these days are the soap characters, larger than life, belting out pithy dialogue six days a week with two replays every day, whose endless wardrobe would put Madam to shame, and whose skin texture we know intimately thanks to 2K TV and HD cameras.
0 x

vasanthakokilam
Posts: 10906
Joined: 03 Feb 2010, 00:01
x 8
x 36

#5 Re: Life is like that..

Post by vasanthakokilam » 20 Oct 2013, 00:27

The first joke reminded me of another one with a similar twist in a kids' humor book.

Restaurant Manager: "Hello sir, welcome to our humble aboard"
Customer: "Thank you. Do you serve pigs here?"
Restaurant Manager: "Sir, we serve everyone. Please come in"
0 x

arasi
Posts: 15707
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 09:30
x 321
x 181

#6 Re: Life is like that..

Post by arasi » 20 Oct 2013, 04:50

VK,
Adding to your line...
Please come in, and pig out.
Customer: What? You call me a pig and want me out??

At a kosher restaurant...

Customer: Do you serve pigs here?
Maitre: (giving the man a lingering look) Yes we do. We serve all. But our menu restricts us from serving anything of that kind on a plate. This way, sir...

At a tres fancy restaurant:

Customer: Do you serve pig here?
Maitre: Do we? So very appealingly, sir! We do serve a suckling with an apple in its mouth, but today's even more health conscious patrons ask for a pomegranate dressed one, instead.
By the way, we have a table for four available in two month's time...
0 x

arasi
Posts: 15707
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 09:30
x 321
x 181

#7 Re: Life is like that..

Post by arasi » 20 Oct 2013, 04:55

Customer: Do you serve pigs here?
Owner: Figs? Of course we do, for dessert! But if you want them stuffed with cheese, you will have to go to the lactovegetarian place across the street. We are vegan, but will gladly serve tofu stuffed ones if you so wish...

There! I'm all for desserts :)
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#8 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 20 Oct 2013, 10:42

Away from pig stories...

Image

THE BEST ( S) MAIL AWARD FOR THE YEAR 2014.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside New Delhi. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire Hospitals in the city , and they're asking for a Rs.500 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"Oh ..How much is everyone giving on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a liter."
0 x

cmlover
Posts: 11498
Joined: 02 Feb 2010, 22:36
x 4

#9 Re: Life is like that..

Post by cmlover » 20 Oct 2013, 20:49

Just replace "Hospitals" by "Parlamentarians" which will make this joke superb, timely and "appropriate" -
the donation will come from all over India - liberally :D
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#10 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 20 Oct 2013, 21:06

I thought To involve parliament may not be appropriate.. which was my first impulse..
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#11 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 27 Oct 2013, 17:50

Image

LK Advani once asked Aryabhata about his chances of becoming PM.
That was the day when Aryabhata invented 'Zero'!
Last edited by venkatakailasam on 28 Oct 2013, 05:37, edited 1 time in total.
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#12 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 27 Oct 2013, 17:52

PC: Dear Indian Rupee, how do you respond to all the jokes made on you?

Mr Rupee: I don't appreciate



Dollar on escalator;

Rupee on ventilator!
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#13 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 01 Nov 2013, 14:02

Image

Hyatt Regency is a luxury 5-star hotel in Teynampet, Anna Salai, Chennai.
So, what is the special ? Here,
FIDE World Chess Championship is to be played.
Oh, when?
Nov 9th to 28th.
This year?
YES, next week.
Who is playing?
ANAND of India is the defending Champion; and Magnus Carlsen of Norway will challenge him.
Chess, you said ?
YES, chess.
No Virat,
no "Sir",
no Dhoni?
No, none of them; they play a different game altogether.

Then, GET LOST; we intellectuals here don't even discuss any game that has no V,S,D, Get Lost.

Ok, ok, sorry, I brought this up; forget it.....
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#14 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 04 Nov 2013, 17:57

SMILE
--------------
Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.!!
0 x

cmlover
Posts: 11498
Joined: 02 Feb 2010, 22:36
x 4

#15 Re: Life is like that..

Post by cmlover » 04 Nov 2013, 21:27

(contd)
Wife: OK Next time ask him to exchange yours and mine..
After some time
Wife: Did you?
Husband: yes. He said it does not fit !
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#16 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 10 Nov 2013, 19:12

A man in Hell asked Devil:

Can I make a call to my Wife? Devil agreed. After making call he asked how much to pay.



Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#17 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 17 Nov 2013, 20:35

World turned upside down....


Image
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#18 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 18 Nov 2013, 08:32

Image


A share from a Face Book friend..
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#19 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 18 Nov 2013, 22:02

police patrol

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.

The man replies, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife
0 x

venkatakailasam
Posts: 4170
Joined: 07 Feb 2010, 19:16
x 1

#20 Re: Life is like that..

Post by venkatakailasam » 20 Nov 2013, 20:50

A Near Death Experience

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience… Seeing God
she asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me away of the path of the
ambulance?”

(You’ll love this…)

God replied: you fool ! I didn’t recognize you.
0 x

cmlover
Posts: 11498
Joined: 02 Feb 2010, 22:36
x 4

#21 Re: Life is like that..

Post by cmlover » 20 Nov 2013, 23:45

She said: Then my make-over is a big success. So you can keep my old self and send me back home for the
rest of my life!
0 x

Post Reply