Carnatic Product News Update July 2010

[uday_shankar]

Rusticas Inc Announces Introduction of Remote Katcheri Eavesdropping Device DivyaShravana

Chennai June 2010 Last month Rusticas Inc introduced the ultimate dream of every Carnatic listener, the remote Katcheri snooping device DivyaShravana 1.0.

A jubiliant Essar Chris, the CEO of Rusticas was quite confident that DivyaShravana can never be jammed with current jamming technologies. "DivyaShravana was inspired by the Gita and Lord Krishna himself. His recent divya drishti was our inspiration", said Chris.

Carnatic rasikas can now look forward to capturing their most favorite Katcheri moments without ever leaving their living room. DivyaShravana works on the principle of Transcendentally Excited Quantum Acoustic Tunneling (TEQAT) . The user simply directs the device in the direction of a Katcheri venue like the Meccademy and chants a mantra invoking the blessings of Lord Krishna and Lord Shiva. Thereafter the device automatically registers the acoustic signature emanating from the source. It can go on to produce a high quality recording of the kind preferred by Carnatic rasikas.

Said Besant Kokila, principal engineer at Rusticas "We have striven to minimize signal to noise ratio as much as we can while at the same time enhancing harmonic distortion and white noise. The result has been to create an unmatched acoustic signature that mimics the best of spurious Carnatic recordings".

Future enhancements geared towards improving the authenticity of the Carnatic acoustic profile will include the random mixing of other authentic Carnatic sounds like Pallavan bus horns, auto horns, random street noise and occassionally airplane noise.

"Airplane noise is very dear to rasikas", said Besant Kokila. "It is closely associated with profound musical experiences from such hoary Carnatic names like Shri Semmangudi Srinivas Iyer Shri, Lalgudi Shri Jayaraman and Shri Trichy Sankaran . So much so that it is hard for many to imagine certain sangatis and moras without the acoustic signature of a thrust-reversed jet engine in the background. We're attempting to bring back some of that magic and mystique by adding random airplane noise to contemporary impersonations of the great masters".

Among the currenty known limitations of Transcendentally Excited Quantum Acoustic Tunneling is its mysterious inability to record saxophone music. Rusticas' engineering team is working hard to overcome this limitation. "We think it has something to do with the part of the software that processes the invocation of Lord Krishna's blessings", said Kokila. "In any case, sax is not the uppermost thing in a Carnatic rasika's mind during a Katcheri , so we don't see this as a serious limitation for now. There can be other occasions
and venues for glorious sax ".

Veteran industry watchers were uniformly hopeful about the future of TEQAT technology.

Quantum Jamming Device

Chennai July 2010 In response to DivyaShravana, it is rumoured that an engineering team from Oliverpet based firm Kirshner Inc has joined well-known VJ Sheeba to develop the DivyaNash 1.0 a Qauntum Acoustic Jamming Device specifically geared to meet the threat of DivyaShravana. More news is awaited from Team Kirshner and VJ Sheeba on this and we will bring the news to you as it comes. Neither Team Kirshner nor VJ Sheeba were available for comment.

[cmlover]

What is the price and marketing potential?
Are TMK/VS getting geared to block the release through a court injunction despite the invocation from Lord Krishna!
Who is the inventor and will he be honoured or decried by MA?

[mahakavi]

There was a missile, then an anti-missile, then an anti-anti-missile and so on. There is a radar detector, and an anti-radar detector (which the police can detect). Now if there is Quantum tunneling, Quantum jamming is not far behind. What next?

[cacm]

Uday, Brilliant!... am tempted to go to a Parralel Univrse which disobeys Laws OF physicsin the universe we know & discuss the possibilities but will resist as VVS wants to use these in a talk on MDR! and I am giving him the IGNAROMOUS advice which does not disobey C-P-T therom and Second Law of Thermodunamics but clings to the Brane to avoid the Black Hole....Keep it up. This shows promise tho' Physicsts might try to annihilate u. We can always Quantum Tunnels& escape the US Immigration? We can always ask the one& only E.C.G.Sudarshan to lend us a few Tachyons....VKV

[Sundara Rajan]

Let alone the legality, is it ethical ? What next, evesdopping on the next door neighbor's bedroom?!

[cmlover]

Your Rustica gives away the underlying Russian Spy Scam!
Where else but in TN will they find the brain power to develop such a device?
As usual CIA was sleeping all the while

[arasi]

Uday,
A masterpiece!

[vasanthakokilam]

Uday: Brilliant...

On behalf of the entire engineering team at Rusticas, I thank you for the promotion of TEQAT!! Essar also sends his gratitude.
With the increased sales, we can counter the quantum jammer with a string enhanced TEQAT. We are on it. Our scientists are
hard pressed to choose from many varieties of strings out there

[mankuthimma]

New Entrants !
I can see so many of them falling off their chairs .Caught unawares.I have learnt to fasten my seat belts when I spot these gems from Uday
Bravo ! Uday Deariee .. You make a drab argument so loving.
By the way I bought this stuff and used it by going back on the Time Machine some else had developed .Was it your Father-in-Law ?
Tempted to present the 5 brightest clips I have ever recorded on this equipment to the world.
Is the artist community and the Record publishing fraternity wanting to take a look at these .
I repeat only 5 topmost gems ?
Knowing the inventor in you , I would like you to work on the following add ons :
1) a feature that scrolls the lyrics of the krithi that is being sung on a small screen
2) direct me to the best spot in the auditorium from the acoustic angle , while taking care that the spot would be the most remote one .
3) Simultaneous transmission to an accomplice outside in case this equipment is confiscated
4) An emergency button , which the offending recorder can press before confiscation , that will trigger a howling " HELP HELP . HELP SAVE INDIAN MUSIC " a hundred times

[mankuthimma]

"We think it has something to do with the part of the software that processes the invocation of Lord Krishna's blessings",

I learn from an engineer working on the project that it has something to do with the password for a software called "maulhari".

Typing in "monkey" seems to shake the sofware into action but ends up hanging . Typing in "abhang" has been tried too with the whole software being rendered unstable.. So saxophone recording will have to wait I guess.

[ragam-talam]

STOP PRESS
'Arti Systems' is giving tough competition to Divyashravana. They just send their people to the concerts - and these professionals sit in the front rows and record concerts in stereo, hi-fidelity quality. VJ Sheeba & Kirschner (TM) can do virtually nothing to handle this frontal attack, except to moan and whine on their blogs.

[Nick H]

Is it not possible to order this online?

I hope the credit card number does not have to be chanted according to a specific raga?

And... I want to know if the sounds of talam clapping, newspaper rustling, sweet unwrapping, elderly gentlemen chatting, and me munching sesame balls, can be added where they are sadly lacking in the performance?



Uday... This is just too brilliant. Thank you

[mahakavi]

Uday did one such hoax a few years ago in sangeetham.com and it started getting ugly. Hope this one does not have the same fate.

[Sundara Rajan]

Gullible me ! At my age already I can't keep up with all the new electronic gadgets coming up and hence I took this seriously and fell for the trap. Have fun fellows !!

[cmlover]

email me for a NA franchise!
Credit cards accepted! (but Nigerians excepted
Repair services will be outsourced
Applications solicited from unemployed IT professionals
(Note: expatriates need not apply

[mahakavi]

>>Applications solicited from unemployed IT professionals<<

To anyone unemployed, let alone IT folks, the above statement is quite unwelcome, although it may be construed as "humor". The times are tough for many folks these days and let us not aggravate it.

[uday_shankar]

NEWSFLASH

Anonymous tips have been received that Sun Joya, the former CEO of the now defunct SunGeethome Inc has gone on record to state that Rusticas is merely running with an idea conceived first by Sungeethome Inc. “Our product DivyaDrishti included all the functionality purportedly in DIvyaShravana and much more" Sun Joya is reported to have said. "While it too made use of Quantum Acoustic Tunneling, it did not have to be transcendentally excited into its resonant modes, i.e., there was no need to invoke the blessings of false gods like Krishna and Shiva. It worked simply on MY command most of the time. Occasional failure modes were readily recovered from by merely chanting the mantra Sun Joya Uvacha”.

Meanwhile, critics of the purported Quantum Jamming Device DivyaNash have remarked that it may prevent future VJs and DJs from benefiting from the kind of mentoring that VJ Sheeba received from the late DJ Kay.

[Ramasubramanian M.K]

Uday Hilarious-- even for digital luddite like me!!!