DDDT for rasikas - a secret project of Music Academy

[Sachi_R]

During afternoon siestas, I receive visitations and visions on topics of importance. Today's debrief:
The MUSIC Academy headed by well-known worthies well-versed in technology and music have drawn up a secret project for 2019 called DDDT.

It stands for Digital Distraction Detox Therapy.

It will have three dimensions.
***
ACTIVE
Jammers kill all signals in the theatre.

Qualcomm/Arm scanners will sniff out the sneaked-in devices and deposit a digital Opium code in them that disables them for 8 hours.

Surveillance cameras will spot culprits and prevent them from entering toilets or canteens.

PROACTIVE
Attendees will be encouraged to download a patch that enables a Music mode in the phone. It works like the Airplane mode and in addition disables the screen.

Errant folks who try and record the music in audio mode will find that the App adds a 100dBm noise signal to the track.

Those who deposit and later claim their phones/devices from the concierge will be given free coffee stamps sponsored by Nallis or CCD.

REACTIVE
Attendees can buy for ₹5.- a tube of black gooey paste which they can liberally smear on devices or people around them who do DD (Digital distraction) of any kind. That act of violence will be not be punishable.

Bouncers will be deployed with in-the-ear walkie talkies and tipped to confiscate offending devices.

Seniors who are serial offenders will be given mild electric shocks from their seats.
***

Please immediately respond to these ideas. MA is waiting for your inputs.

As their President says, one small step by MA will encourage giant leaps for other sabhas.

[SrinathK]

Noooooo! My live review!

[shankarank]

Just get the cETTas from down south, I mean Sri Padmanabhaswamy temple to man the entry with a metal detector. They work better than TSA Security folks in US Airports! With a fearful lathi in their hand!

Bury some gold and put up an altar in the Sabha premises to create an Aura if you will. The presence of Gold will draw some crowd. kanaka vasana ninnu!!

Disrobe the males on the upper half, force them to wear angavastrams , the latter symbolic of SAStras , purANas, antiquity, something some nitwits have no clue about.

Finally confiscate and prevent any electronic devices.

Just to cover modern emergencies, have IITM invent a text only / receive only device that can be paired via cell network with the phone, which should be locked up in a cloak locker. The attendee can walk out after the item is finished!

The locker rent should fetch some revenue as most people will need connectivity to reach until the footsteps of the sabha!

Have a kiosk of chargers to be sold with various connectors to make some additional revenue from those who forgot theirs. No USB charging ports. Just standard Indian plug.

Those NRIs can be further ripped off with a flat pin adaptor, sold at the kiosk.

[Sachi_R]

Shankaran,
Is it a strange coincidence that all the three who spoke here thus far messed in IITM?

You forgot the anti-Sabarimala lobby's need for press interviews etc. To stir up the rage. There should be a large media venue with ₹1000 per hour parking or some such money-making racket.

The beauty of your recommendations is that they all apply to a temple, political rally and wedding hall too... No need for any music.