Carnatic bonfire and baptism by formaldehyde party

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 28 Dec 2009, 22:18

Inviting all rasikas to a new year party blessed by the Lord "Krishna" himself for a Carnatic impurity purge and purity preservation drive. Into the bonfire shall be cast all heretic music, i.e., every available spool, casettes, CDs, private recordings, thumb drives, middle-finger drives, hard disks, soft disks, and any other media containing carnatic music played on a) saxophone b) keyboard c) jalatarangam d) fusion bands e) grand piano f) not so grand piano as well as the devilish instruments themselves, amidst the chanting of the Rg Veda ("agnimeeLe..."). To participate in the creation of a conflagration of this dimension is an opportunity of a lifetime. Don't miss it.

Thereafter, during the second half of the night all the rasikas shall undertake a mini-haj to the Meccademy of music on Cathedral road where a "fat"wa shall be passed against all overweight artists practising the forbidden instruments as well as their rasikas. A "low-fat"wa shall be passed against all underweight artists playing these instruments and their rasikas. A "fat-free"wa shall be passed against all artists and rasikas who have lost weight dancing and shaking to such impure music. People using Carnatic saxophone ringtones shall be prosecuted for illicit phone sax.

The third half of the night shall be devoted to the ritual of baptism by formaldehyde. All rasikas committed to the preservation of the purity of gamakas shall immerse themselves up to their necks in vats of formaldehyde, symbolic of preservation. The purest of the pure, the "Paakis" of Carnatic music, shall be fossilized in an instant and preserved for posterity.

And the grand finale for the fourth half of the night...a duel between harimau (playing for the side of preservationists) and uday (playing for the side of the dilutionists). Each shall a wield a weapon of choice according to their temperament...harimau of just temperament shall weild an iron mace shaped like a vina and uday of an equal temperament shall weild a lead mace shaped like a saxophone. Into the night the duel shall rage, to the cacophony of bhairavi and paatala bhairavi, saxophone and the snake dance song, truly a sight to behold...

venkatpv · Post by **venkatpv** » 28 Dec 2009, 22:27

Uday_Shankar wrote:illicit phone sax.

ROTFL

vasanthakokilam · Post by **vasanthakokilam** » 28 Dec 2009, 22:32

cmlover · Post by **cmlover** » 28 Dec 2009, 22:35

Invocation for the event

saxO mA citravINA gamaya|
keyboard mA gamakam gamaya|
udayO mA harmimau gamaya ||
sarvE arAjakam bhavatu|
CM shilAjAtham bhavatu| (CM be fossilized)

Om nAshaM nAshaM sarva nAshaM ||

VK RAMAN · Post by **VK RAMAN** » 28 Dec 2009, 22:37

One should take the licence for formaldehyde cleansing and preservation of the dead without blood.

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 28 Dec 2009, 23:22

Ottawam nArada muni uvaca
saxO mA citravINA gamaya|
keyboard mA gamakam gamaya|
udayO mA harmimau gamaya ||
sarvE arAjakam bhavatu|
CM shilAjAtham bhavatu| (CM be fossilized)

Om nAshaM nAshaM sarva nAshaM ||

Hilarious !

Nick H · Post by **Nick H** » 29 Dec 2009, 01:25

Brilliant.

I refuse to sing English Note... and request that it should be included in the conflagration!

vasya10 · Post by **vasya10** » 29 Dec 2009, 01:56

Too funny. Simply too funny.

Rasika911 · Post by **Rasika911** » 29 Dec 2009, 07:27

Hahahaha

Radhika-Rajnarayan · Post by **Radhika-Rajnarayan** » 29 Dec 2009, 09:40

ROTFL till my sides split! Dear Rasikas, this is superb! This is amazing talent!
Ayyo! aaaa - my stomach still hurts. I will be going around the whole of today suddenly bursting into laughter whenever I think of any of these posts - I'm sure people will think I'm loony - so be it!

kharaharapriyajanyam · Post by **kharaharapriyajanyam** » 29 Dec 2009, 10:29

Uday_Shankar wrote:
And the grand finale for the fourth half of the night...a duel between harimau (playing for the side of preservationists) and uday (playing for the side of the dilutionists). Each shall a wield a weapon of choice according to their temperament...harimau of just temperament shall weild an iron mace shaped like a vina and uday of an equal temperament shall weild a lead mace shaped like a saxophone. Into the night the duel shall rage, to the cacophony of bhairavi and paatala bhairavi, saxophone and the snake dance song, truly a sight to behold...

an iron mace shaped like a vina

ROTFL!

cmlover · Post by **cmlover** » 29 Dec 2009, 22:12

The Duel will be refereed by TMK and Anil, arbitrated by Narada in case of a tie, and the winner will be presented a gamakamized recording of 'mADu meikkum kaNNE' by AS as well as a Silver Trophy engraved with choice Abhangs...

VK RAMAN · Post by **VK RAMAN** » 29 Dec 2009, 22:21

I suggest the abhang veda veda re pandari as abhang

cmlover · Post by **cmlover** » 30 Dec 2009, 00:42

...you mean as a bang

VK RAMAN · Post by **VK RAMAN** » 30 Dec 2009, 02:09

The meaning of this abhang goes like this - 'Oh ! devotees !Get flocked in Pandaripur, do not go away from the Bhima River. Let us go and fight with Lord Panduranga, let us loot the divinity of Pandaripur and siege Lord Panduranga - put rasikas in place of devotees and music in place of Lord

smriti · Post by **smriti** » 30 Dec 2009, 10:01

I initially didn't get the context of this but once I did, I found it absolutely hilarious! Love the sense of humor here!!!

Purist · Post by **Purist** » 30 Dec 2009, 14:10

cmlover #4 -- I simply enjoyed that one. Rank 1 for hilarity. Keep going.

vainika · Post by **vainika** » 04 Jan 2010, 09:37

lol, I loved this post for its sheer sax appeal.

Btw I heard rumours of an all-brass carnatic concert on Jan 1, held at a different location from the new year baptism event. It seems the onstage chemistry was amazing. Any reviews in the offing?

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 04 Jan 2010, 10:21

Ramki
If there's enough interest I could post a brief review of the brass concert

.

vasanthakokilam · Post by **vasanthakokilam** » 04 Jan 2010, 10:39

Uday, please do.

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 04 Jan 2010, 12:28

I'm actually off on a vacation in a few hours...here's a quick review of the opposing dilutionists concert vainika was referring to...
---------------------------------------------------------

Katcheri review - Karnatic Brass Ensemble Dec 31st 2009
Venue: Varisiddhi Vinegar Temple, "Chrome"pet

T.M.Christina - Saxophone
Tubashree Tennicoit Shalom - Tuba
Trumpetti Periya Shabdanarayana - Trumpet
Tromobonagaram Trombuswamy - Trombone

Award winning saxophonist and pioneer in saxophone pedagogy (author of two best-selling books on the subject, viz., "Better Sax in Seven Days" and "Practice Safe Sax" as well as producer of acclaimed teaching aid "Sax, Truth and Audiotape") T.M.Christina and her ensemble slapped the proverbial "nAmam" on all existing Carnatic ensembles and established once again their pre-eminent status."The time for the dilutionists has come", said an ecstatic Christina speaking to rasikas after the concert. "They [preservationists] may have their Formaldehyde but we are blessed by the King of preservatives, the elephant-headed god Varasiddhi Vinegar himself. Acetic may be the god's ways and acid his tongue but his benevolence needs no litmus test". Said Ethan-Nolan, an African American devotee "I think he's real -COOH, man. We share a singles bond".

The Katcheri was characterized by magnificent gamakas (oscillations) that made a grand sweep of three or more octaves. The power of the kampita gamakas rattled every nucleus of every cell of the body. The resonances set up by this great gamaka tour-de-force spontaneously rearranged the muck on the banks of the Cooum into several bridges to other genres of music much to the chagrin of the preservationists. "This must be against the law" protested Harry Maul, editor of the Preservationists Journal. The dilutionists pointed out that music making was the exclusive "preserve" of the god Vinegar and that they were merely instruments that oscillated to his will. In any case, they said, it was all predicted by the vina super-string theory which states that when the resonances set up by the audience's vacuous head-shaking in response to octave-spanning gamakas attain a critical intesity they have the capacity to spontaneously rearrange matter into anthropically convenient lumps. So this indirectly proved that the Christina gamakas matched up quite well with the pristiner gamakas of the vina super strings.

Audience response was predictably ecstatic barring a few. The dilutionists were convinced they were left with the pure, unadulterated core idioms of Carnatic music but spies from the Formaldehyde gang insisted that it was more of an idiotic core dump than a dump of the idiomatic core. Their gamakas, they insisted, were conceived fully formed in their current pristine form at the Big Bang by the anthropic goddess Saraswati...never to be tampered with by humans at any subsequent time. But to Christina's credit one of the memebers of the top brass of Carnatic music who was present remarked "Brass can be a very uplifting experience". "Indeed, bras can be" said another. "Bravo?" said yet another in Tamil. "Bravo!" remarked a western fan.

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 04 Jan 2010, 12:41

I received this response by email from an undisclosed forumite:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spoke to Prof.Ana Phylactic as she ran to get into her Benzin a hurry.

Prof.Ana Phylactic, gushed , "This is a phenolmenal performance. I think Christina just reinvented my understanding of Keytones.Our music has sulfered enough in the hands of the preservationists. The time has come to stop propionating Formaldehyde and look for new deifying experiences"

.

vasanthakokilam · Post by **vasanthakokilam** » 04 Jan 2010, 13:07

cienu · Post by **cienu** » 04 Jan 2010, 13:15

Fantastic Uday

Nick H · Post by **Nick H** » 04 Jan 2010, 13:18

Wonderful.

My head is spinning!

sridhar_ranga · Post by **sridhar_ranga** » 04 Jan 2010, 23:14

hilarious. bravo (no pun)!

Now lemme guess the partial songlist:

...
6. Tuba nErgayil Sax eDuttu nee Trombo sErkka maaTaayaa - Dash
...
8. RTP - band(u) varaali - RM swarams in its janyas: 'deeper chrome', 'gamaka-free-ya', 'puriyAda Tubashree'
...
11a. hip-pum hop-pum rap-paippOl irundaalum - viruttam - (M.C.) Hammer Kalyani
11b. innam oru tambALam - bhEl-hog
...

rshankar · Post by **rshankar** » 05 Jan 2010, 01:07

Hilarious!!

Sridhar, romba nannA ottu vAsikkarELE! Only question - did this concert start with a very auspicious offering of phosphorus and formaldehyde?

#6 ....brief pinch of svarams at 'kAkAivallippin muRaiyinAl ADi kATTamATTAyA'??

vasanthakokilam · Post by **vasanthakokilam** » 05 Jan 2010, 01:35

T.M. Christina and Harry Maul are on opposite sides of this Dharma Yuddham. Interesting turn of events!!

devi · Post by **devi** » 05 Jan 2010, 01:44

cmlover wrote:Invocation for the event

saxO mA citravINA gamaya|
keyboard mA gamakam gamaya|
udayO mA harmimau gamaya ||
sarvE arAjakam bhavatu|
CM shilAjAtham bhavatu| (CM be fossilized)

Om nAshaM nAshaM sarva nAshaM ||

ROFL !!!!

@ Uday Shakar spectacular posts!

Suji Ram · Post by **Suji Ram** » 05 Jan 2010, 01:54

This is the first thread I read after my vacation and my stomach is hurting laughing...

So Funny!!!

If only preservationists use alcohol instead of formaldehyde they could convert them to acetic acid.

rshankar · Post by **rshankar** » 05 Jan 2010, 03:22

Suji Ram wrote: If only preservationists use alcohol instead of formaldehyde they could convert themselves to acetic acid.

Suji - are you suggesting that with the use of formaldehyde for baptism, there will be a shortage for use by preservationists?

Suji Ram · Post by **Suji Ram** » 05 Jan 2010, 03:53

rshankar wrote:
Suji Ram wrote: If only preservationists use alcohol instead of formaldehyde they could convert them to acetic acid.

Suji - are you suggesting that with the use of formaldehyde for baptism, there will be a shortage for use by preservationists?

oops.. read dilutionist instead of preservationist

arasi · Post by **arasi** » 05 Jan 2010, 12:10

Uday, CML, S_rang et al,
Don't punish me. My belly aches

After being absent from the forum for a while due to connecting problems from my lodgings in Chennai followed by a bout of illness--seasonal farewell gift from the music city--I am recovering and am trying to catch up. Just when I am healing, I read this thread! Please, spare me the belly ache

Among other questions, why is our dear Uday allowed a mere mace when the jungle king sports sarasvati's beautiful instrument?

To rephrase a hymn:
Yield not to dilution, for yielding is sin
Look ever to Trinity--they will carry you through!

On a personal note:
Ravi, I should have taken your kind counsel and partied a little less in Chennai.Too many concerts, odd hours of noshing at odd places!

Uday,
Guess what--when you and JS had a mouthful to comment on my bhairavi idiocy, my response went unheard because you both fled before I could say anything. FYI, I am cultivating a very delayed affection for the rAgam--slowly but steadily, and please note that like a near-new convert, I am paying attention to every detail of it while you folks take it for granted!

vijay · Post by **vijay** » 05 Jan 2010, 13:37

Great stuff Uday! That was the review of the season for sure!

Nick H · Post by **Nick H** » 05 Jan 2010, 14:02

Arasi, you must have listened to something that didn't agree with you: please take more care next year so as not to get to sick. Although the laughter will hurt, it's good for you: Get well soon!

(I wish I had something funny to say... but the hights of both whit and understanding are beyond me --- so I am just enjoying. Keep up the good work, gentlemen!

)

cmlover · Post by **cmlover** » 05 Jan 2010, 23:04

Cruel Uday!
You have induced a belly ache to most of our Forumites. It even appears you have slovenly shoved your mace near Our Frail Majesty scaring her out of her wits. Looks like the spirit of canine Bhairava possessed you! If you continue Radhika is sure to take away your Sax and dump you in a vat of Formaldehyde at an asylum

My services will not be available to you since you are beyond redemption. No wonder Hari mowed you

For the present try a full dose of OVK's Sapta ratna. And don't you ever listen to his ViShamakkara kaNNan even if TMK offers it to you. It will be the viSham that will kiill you! And of course strictly no Snake or Monkey dance either! Keep the cyanide capsule that I had prescribed handy which should be used as the last resort to free you from the worldly torments!
tryambakaM yajasva sugandhim puShTivardhanam|
UrvArukamiva unmattAt mukShIya mA harimAvaH ||
(Make oblations to Lord Siva (mukkaNNan) who augments health and sweet scents (sense in your case

) who may release you from the crazy thoughts easily like the ripe cucumber from the stalk but not (however) from the clutches of Harimau

Oh forgot
Long Live the Queen

rshankar · Post by **rshankar** » 05 Jan 2010, 23:43

Arasi - Hope you feel better soon - the rest of my advice should hold for a fast recovery as well!! Laughter is the first step...

uday_shankar · Post by **uday_shankar** » 15 Jan 2010, 09:02

My, my, I was away on vacation and the mailbox is full of mostly junkmail and spam and I almost missed this gem.

It turns out that the amazing Prof.Ana Phylactic, a forumite and truly the Lalgudi (there's a clue:)) of on-the-fly brilliance, is sure Shridhar_rang's songlist is mistaken and pertains to another concert.

According to Prof. Phylactic, the following is the real song list that she envisioned in an epiphany (i.e., divya-drishti) while driving to work:

Valency Vacci- Navaragamalika Varnam-Patinam subramanya iye
inta kante covalentA - Kannada -
Atom ambalathadum arase - PurviKalyani -Ana(ion)ayya
eN ShellvamE - Satguru Bohrendra Saraswati
Pauli ncu Kamakshi - Madhyamavati - SS
Mendelev Devate Faradayvate - Margadesi - MD
Pallavi - Vachaspati - Jumpa Talam - Ari Ionum KaNa ariya joti-
Massil veenaiyum - Virtuttam
BaeyerO - Padam -Kshetrayya
allylo pranatarthiharudanu- Atana - Tyagaraja
Shri Gammalambike - Shri

cmlji,

.

ksrimech · Post by **ksrimech** » 16 Jan 2010, 04:13

Uday - If you have massillA veNNaiyum, I think lot of people will buy it instead of real (massudaya) butter and other spreads.

cmlover · Post by **cmlover** » 16 Jan 2010, 04:34

So finally with all the fine physicists (physicians too

the bonfire ended in a mini nu clear explosion creating a mini black hole sucking in the contestants and judges. And as the quarks (and quacks) performed their fundamenatal dance Rudra joined
jaTAkaTAha sambhramam nnilimpa nirjharI
vilOla vIci vallarI virAjamAna mUrdhani||

a shubhamastu

arasi · Post by **arasi** » 16 Jan 2010, 09:21

And so
With it
A bonfire of vanities--
Ahem (aham)

music_is_life · Post by **music_is_life** » 16 Jan 2010, 18:46

It's a week since I got back after my three week trip to India and this is the first post I read after along time. Outstanding work, Uday. Very hilarious and at the same time very thought provoking. I was really feeling restless with mixed reactions after my trip and I just could not have articulated my feelings the way Uday has put.
Arasi.. hope you are recovering. Thank god! I escaped with a very small illness in the first two days and since then took extra care and specially avoided the much talked about sabha canteen food.

arasi · Post by **arasi** » 16 Jan 2010, 19:06

Thank you, music_is_life for caring. Back to normal now, but I have to watch it until I'm back home! You would have been to some concerts. Please write about them. If not as a review, in the Season 2009 Summary thread.